Dear Reader,
How much do you decide about a person before you've even met them?
It isn't really based on anything they've said or done. It's based on a title they hold, or a role they're stepping into, or just a rumor about change that's coming.
It happens fast, and it happens quietly. Someone new is about to enter your life, your team, your family, and before they've said a single word, you've already built a version of them in your mind. You know how they'll act. You know what kind of trouble they'll bring.
Most of the time, you don't even notice you've done it. It just feels like preparing yourself.
But I've been thinking about how much of that story isn't actually about the person at all. It's just fear looking for somewhere to land.
Now let's get ALIGNED...
Inspirational Quote
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
- Anaïs Nin
The Story
A friend of mine was getting ready for a big meeting. His company was going through some major changes. Everyone felt on edge.
That morning, a new boss was starting in his department, and my friend had already decided how the day was going to go.
"This is going to be a horrible day," he told me, more than once.
He didn't know anything about this person. He had never met him, had never worked with him, and had no real reason to expect anything at all.
But the not knowing was enough. His mind filled in the rest.
By the time he walked into that meeting, he had already built an entire story in his head, one where the new boss wouldn't understand the department, would take things in the wrong direction, and would make an already uncertain time even harder to get through.
I saw him again later that day and asked how it went.
"Oh my God, it was so great," he said, lit up in a way he hadn't been all morning.
The new boss had listened. He asked good questions. He seemed genuinely invested in taking the department, and the company, somewhere good.
But I kept thinking about how much dread he had carried that morning for a person he hadn't even met yet.
The Spiritual Lesson
What happened to my friend that morning wasn't really about his boss at all.
It was about how uncomfortable it is to not know something, and how quickly the mind will fill that discomfort with a story.
Uncertainty feels unsafe.
So instead of sitting with the unknown, we hand it a shape. We give it a face, a personality, an outcome. Anything feels better than the blankness of simply not knowing yet.
The problem is that the story we hand it usually isn't neutral. It leans toward whatever we're already carrying.
If we're anxious about change, the story becomes a threat. If we're feeling unseen, the story becomes someone who won't understand us. We think we're predicting the future, but we're really just describing our own fear back to ourselves.
And once that story is built, it starts to feel true.
That's the part that catches people off guard. My friend wasn't lying to himself on purpose. The dread was real. It felt like knowledge instead of guesswork, because that's how the mind works when it's trying to protect us from the unknown.
What would have served him that morning wasn't confidence that everything would go well. It was humility.
The willingness to say, I don't actually know this person yet, and I'm not going to pretend that I do.
That kind of humility isn't weakness. It's actually a form of respect.
It means leaving room for someone to be more than the worst version you imagined, and leaving room for yourself to be surprised.
Because the moment you decide you already know someone, you stop being able to actually meet them.
Your Call to Action
This week, notice the next time you catch yourself already certain about how something is going to go.
Maybe it's someone new joining your team. Maybe it's a hard conversation you've been putting off. Maybe it's a change you didn't ask for and don't feel ready for.
Before you decide how it's going to turn out, try saying this to yourself:
"I don't actually know this yet."
You don't have to talk yourself out of the feeling. You just have to notice that it's a feeling, not a fact.
That one small pause is where humility lives.
And it's often the difference between meeting what's actually in front of you, and meeting the story you already wrote about it.
May you walk into this week without a story already written, and open to being surprised.
Abundant Blessings and Namaste.
Abundant Good News and Notes
One-on-One Coaching: So many of the people I work with come to coaching not because something is falling apart, but because they've started to notice the stories they've been carrying, about themselves, about others, about what's possible. That's exactly the kind of conversation I have with clients. Together we slow down, look at what's actually true versus what fear has quietly written, and help you find clearer footing on your own path. If that sounds like what you need right now, just hit reply and let's talk.
Thanks for reading ALIGNED!
If you have any questions or want to share what you thought about this newsletter, hit reply and let me know.
Abundant Blessings,
Joselito Laudencia
Spiritual Life Coach, Teacher, Speaker
Author, The Creative Impulse: Answering the Highest Calling of Your Heart
www.abundantgood.com
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